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OOC: Continued from the World Cup 24 thread...
IC:
The Daily Druid
SECRET ATTACK AT SEMI
By Bill Posters
The Keep Druida Drunk paramilitaries had a little trick up their sleeves at the World Cup Semi-Final between Liverpool England and Total n Utter Insanity at The Hole in Moorestown.
Before the start of the match, they used the now infamous water-flavoured beer, and dropped it out of the sky. It gave the impression that the rain already falling was just getting a little heavier. The Liverpool English amongst the crowd barely noticed the difference, while the Insanicians almost seemed to enjoy the whole thing somewhat.
However, for the Druidan neutrals, just these meerest hints of alcohol were enough to send them off the wagon. It lead to drunken behaviour all across the Moorestown area, with many arrests made for breaching the peace and urinating in public. The latter was an odd one, as that actually isn't an offence in Druida.
It isn't just these major public events that are being sabotaged. In Dave in north-eastern Druida, a small army of around fifteen hundred has been set up, calling themselves the "Booze Missile" Army, fighting for their right to drink. Public support in the north-east is growing, with similar, but smaller, forces taking shape in Trevor, Garth, Tony and Bob. Support is also taking shape in both New Europan capital Neodzki and in the Zobordi area of the country, though not yet on the same scale as the northerners.
For reports on the game itself, and to see who will be travelling to Krytenia to face Sarzonia in the final, and read the reports of Liverpool Englands win, turn to our sports section. |
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We are somewhere outside the borders of the recognised nations of Atlantian Oceania, just to the north east of Druida...
"So what are we up to here, then?"
"Isn't it obvious? Who is the figurehead of Druidan soberity?"
"Bill Posters?"
"No, not Bill bastard Posters! The President!"
"He is?"
"Of course! If it wasn't for him, drunken behaviour would still be the norm..."
"Oh."
"I see I could have a lot of explaining to do here..." |
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The Daily Druid
IDDER POISONED
Trevor Connolly reports
In the biggest act of alco-terrorism in Druida so far, President Andrew Idder has been taken to hospital after attack at the presidential office last night.
The attack was perpetrated by a group calling themselves the Free Alcoholic Army, or the FAA for short. They claim to represent a nation they call Rogue Alcoholic States, though they are basically alcoholic Druidans who have been forced out of our nation's borders due to Druida's prohibition laws.
Two men have been caught on Closed Circuit Television pouncing upon Idder as he left his offices at around 20:35 yesterday, while the security guard watching the area had gone on a toilet break. The two men were completely covered, except for eye and nose holes, in black clothing.
The two pounced upon Idder, injecting him with a dangerously high level of alcohol using a syringe, before running off into the dark of the night. The pair remain unidentified, while Idder remains in a critical condition.
Meanwhile, just hours before last nights attack, Davidsclan, the most north-easterly of Druida's provinces, announced that it had fallen out with the government over the alcohol issue to such an extent that they had declared themselves to be part of the R.A.S. Only time will tell if they extend themselves further into Druidan territory. After last night's attack, it seems that their popularity could take a slump. |
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The Daily Druid
DREW DEAD
Druida's President passes away aged 59
The death of Druidan President Andrew Idder was confirmed last night after 72 hours in intensive care. It follows a syringe attack outside the Presidential Office by members of the Free Alcoholic Army, from which he was given severe alcohol poisoning.
Medics tried hard to get as much of the alcohol out of his blood as possibe, but only succeeded in causing Idder to lose blood heavily. The official reasoning given for his death was a lack of blood to the brain.
In the hours following the much loved Idder's death, politicians from all backgrounds were quick to condemn the attack. Trevor Turner, leader of the Bring Back NEWI Party, declared the attack as "a blight upon democracy," while Rodger Lee said it "should sicken everyone that such a peace loving person can leave us like this."
Details of the funeral, and the long term future of Druida's Presidency, will be confirmed in the near future. |
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"We did it!"
"Did what?"
"Got rid of him!"
"Rid of who? Where?"
"The President."
"You did what?!?!?"
"You said that if wasn't for him, Druida would be back drunk. Well, now it can't be for him!"
"Yes, but I didn't mean that we had to get rid of him!"
"You mean you didn't want him dead?"
"How are people going to think our cause is respectable if we go around killing international leaders willy-nilly?"
"We... uh..."
"Now what are we supposed to do?"
"Set the dodgeballs on them?"
"No. We need to do something that'll get people to support us. People with real power..." |
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The Daily Druid
POSTERS FOR PRESIDENT?
By Trevor Connolly
Sports reporter for DruidSport and the Daily Druid Bill Posters last night announced live on national television that he will be standing for hte Druidan Presidency after the tragic death of President Idder. Posters' main candidate is thought to be Margaret Smith, president of Druida before Idder but an infamous alcoholic. Very much an anti-posters.
For those who don't know, Posters, 55, is a former NEWI Cefn Druids international footballer who made his debut almost fourty years ago, aged seventeen. In his playing days, he was put on trial for no apparent reason, and since then, he has never really been out of the public eye. Most recently, he became famous for his major part in the Make Druida Sober Campaign.
He also announced that Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, 60, will be his running mate. |
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Ed Wilson is reading his copy of the Daily Druid...
| QUOTE | The Daily Druid
SHOCK AS ELLIS WINS ELECTION
By Trevor Connolly
Druida stunned the world yesterday by electing relative unknown Huw Ellis as their new president, upsetting runaway favourite Bill Posters in a mightily close race.
Ellis, one of the pro-alcohol brigade, will now take up office for the next four years, and threatens to take Druida back to the bad old days of the drink.
It will be a surprise for many a Druidan, who will have to get used to the temptation of the booze in everyday life, as opposed to just avoiding backwater bars.
The ones most surprised, though, will be those within the Posters camp, who have clapsed defeat from the jaws of victory. A full inquest as to what exactly went wrong was set up even before the result was made official. |
Wilson: "Well, we did it!"
"Did what?"
"We got what we wanted, we got Druida drunk again!"
"But... how?"
"Well... nothing too dodgy..."
"As in..."
"Well, free samples of "bottled water" near polling stations with "Vote Ellis" on the labels."
"You..."
"And this..."
Wilson puts a video into the player. It soon becomes clear that this is a political broadcast on behalf of the Keep Druida Drunk party.
"Now... hang on a second... there, did you get that?"
"Get what?"
"See, your brain doesn't recognise that you did straight away, but..."
"Do you want sugar in that?"
"See!"
"See what?"
Wilson rewinds the tape back, then plays it back frame by frame.
"See... that one frame of film says, "Go make tea!""
"So why does that make people vote for Ellis?"
"Well the one that went out didn't say "Go make tea!", it said "Go get drunk! Vote Ellis!"
"You mean we won it by using subliminal messaging?"
"Yup."
"So does that mean there's no need for Rogue Alcoholic States any more?"
"Yup. Welcome to "The Rogue Alcoholic States of Druida!"
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"The FAA? What problem do they have with our football league?"
"No sir, our league is the FFA."
"Oh. Righto." |
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Falcania |
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Winging It Since 2004 |
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OOC: Hmmm. I seem to have been orchestrating this through the World Cup 25 RP Thread on the NS forums for a while. For those that haven't been following said thread, here's what has gone on in Druida during the meantime...
IC:
Originally posted: Oct 27 2005, 12:37 am
Bill Posters is still not happy. His aim to see why Trevor Chem never looked a day older by setting up a new Druidan Intelligence Service had failed, on the basis that he didn't get the easy presidential election victory many expected. Indeed, he didn't get any kind of victory. He lost to a nobody called Ellis, a puppet politician of Keep Druida Drunk. But then they did use plenty of subliminal messages during their broadcasts.
And now Druida is drunk again, except for a small minority. Their leader? Bill Posters. And he's doing everything he can in his role as a multimedia personality to get the message across again. MAKE DRUIDA SOBER!
But it isn't going to plan.
"Liam, this isn't going to plan."
Just like I said.
"I really don't know what it is, Bill. I really don't."
As a former international team-mate of Bill's from back in the days of NEWI Cefn Druids, Liam Gessemschmitthaagem-Po has long been a trustworthy colleague. Most of the time. Since he took up Posters' offer of being his second in command, he has discovered that this campaigning lark has more going for it than he once thought.
"I mean, it wasn't easy the first time round, but now... now it's as if... as if it doesn't matter what we say, no matter how much we remind them how life was before, it just has absolutely no effect whatsoever."
"Even the political broadcasts?"
"Nothing! And we get this clown as our so-called leader. I mean, it's not even him who leads the country. He's controlled by what you might want to call 'less acceptable parties'."
"I don't know what you mean?"
"The KDD terrorists. The Free Alcoholic Army. They're behind Ellis, I have no doubt about it."
"So why don't you tell the world? I mean, you work for a national newspaper, can't you write it up in there?"
"Evidence, Liam. We need the evidence. Not just evidence that Ed Wilson is operating Ellis from behind, but that the election was won fraudulently."
"And where are we going to get that evidence?"
"Don't worry. I have my ways!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Anyway Liam, what's that you're chewing on..."
This post has been edited by Druida on Nov 16 2005, 10:06 AM |
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Originally posted: Oct 27 2005, 9:47 am
"You do know that you can't go in there?"
The security guard looked up to see a familiar face stood in front of him.
"Don't you know who I am?"
"Of course I do, sir. But that doesn't mean you can enter this room. It's government personnel only."
"And if it wasn't for what is in that room, I'd be more that bloody government personnel!"
"Well, you're not. So you can't come in."
"Not even if I throw in some tickets for the NMS game at The Hole?"
"Why would I want to go watch them? They've got mad evisceratomatoes, haven't they?"
"They have?"
"Er... no... sorry... someone call security..."
"Aren't you security?"
"Well... yes... but..."
"So then you can let me past!"
"Mr. Posters, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now, and if you don't, I have permission to physically throw you out of the building."
"OK, OK, I'm going..." |
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Originally posted Nov 01 2005, 11:14 am
Meanwhile, in the Presidential Office...
Intercom: “President Ellis, there’s someone here to see you.”
President Ellis: “Who is it?”
Intercom: “A Mr Posters. Says he’s here to discuss policy away from alcoholic matters.”
President Ellis: “Hang on… you better go, we don’t want him to get any sign that you and me are in this together…”
Ed Wilson (leader of the Free Alcoholic Army): “OK.”
[Wilson leaves]
President Ellis “I’ll give you a buzz when you can come back through, yeah… [into intercom] OK, send him through.”
[Ellis shuffles a few papers about before a knock is heard at the door.]
President Ellis: “Enter… [Bill Posters enters] …ah, Mr Posters. Nice to see you here.”
Bill Posters: “Yeah, right. Look, you know I don’t like you, and I don’t want to stay any longer than I have to, so instead of discussing all these matters over with you, I’ve just written up some of the policy ideas we would have implemented had my campaign been successful. [He hands Ellis some papers.] Just mail me what your opinions on the subject matters are and if there’s anything in there you want to take any further.”
President Ellis: “You’re not staying?”
Bill Posters: “Um, no. World Cup Qualifying draw was earlier. They’ll probably want me to write a piece on Druida’s chances.”
President Smith: “Oh. Well, I guess I’ll get back to you on it. Thanks Mr Posers.”
Bill Posters: “It’s… er… Posters. Thanks.”
President Ellis: “Yeah, whatever you say.”
[And with that, Bill Posters leaves the Presidential Office.]
President Ellis [into intercom]: “There we go. He’s gone.”
Ed Wilson: “OK. Did he take the coffee?”
President Ellis: “No. Said he had to be off to do some writing.”
Ed Wilson: “Oh. Well, we’ll get him some other way, eh?”
President Ellis: "I’m not so sure. I think he's onto us! He really is onto us!"
Ed Wilson: "Relax! There's nothing to worry about!"
President Ellis: "But he really is onto us! I don’t think he did have to go, I just think he was being wary of us. Then there’s the whole election thing. Our security and our intelligence service have both come back with the same response! He's after our tapes! And our plan! The game is up!"
Ed Wilson: "Relax! You don't think we'd keep them all, would you? Hell, no!"
President Ellis: "You mean?"
Ed Wilson: "I've destroyed the evidence. It has been burnt, singed, annihilated. It is no more.”
President Ellis: “So that room Posters is tying to get into… what’s actually in there?”
Ed Wilson: “Nothing. Well, other than a few cinders of what was burnt.”
President Ellis: “So there’s no evidence against us left?”
Ed Wilson: “None whatsoever.”
President Ellis: “Oh. Guess we’ll just have to keep on embarrassing Mr Posters for a bit longer then…” |
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Posts: 130 |
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Originally posted: Nov 7 2005, 10:12 am
"So how did you do it, then?"
The story wasn't to break into the public domain until the following day, when the Daily Druid would hit the newstands. But as Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po was in Bill Posters company now... well, he might as well tell him.
"Simple really."
"It was?"
"Yeah. When I gave them those documents the other week. I just put a bugging device in the paper clip and, there we go, got 'em!"
"So is Ellis going to have to resign, then?"
"Too right! We got him on tape talking to Ed Wilson, we got them confessing to the existance of evidence that helped them win the election unjustly... they're done for!"
"So does that mean... well, what does that mean?"
"It means that we've got to hit the campaign trail again, my friend! The election is the day after the Druida - Ariddia game. We've got to be ready for it, even more than we were last time." |
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Originally posted: Nov 10 2005, 1:19 pm
LGP: "Well, election day is upon us again. How'd you feel?"
BP: "Just as nauseous as the last time."
LGP: "Fancy a flick through the paper?"
BP: "OK."
| QUOTE (the Daily Druid) |
The Daily Druid
DRUIDA STILL ON TOP
Eric Tree on Druida 3 Ariddia 0
Druida stayed at the summit of Group 3 last night with a comfortable 2-0 victory at The Hole.
Two goals for Gareth Yr Dinistrydd, one either side of half time, was enough to see off the World Cup founders, condemning their opponents to their seventh defeat in eight.
It means that Druida are now six points ahead of Fmjphoenix, who have fallen down to fourth after two defeats in a row.
| CODE |
Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Druida 8 7 0 1 16 5 21 +11
Liverpool England 8 6 1 1 19 11 19 +8
Oglethorpia 8 5 2 1 20 11 16 +9
Fmjphoenix 8 5 0 3 18 12 15 +6
Israel4Ever 8 4 0 4 9 10 12 -1
Milchama 8 3 2 3 12 9 11 +3
System Karela 8 2 3 3 4 8 9 -4
Limbrogidlia 8 2 0 6 5 14 6 -9
Alan Shearer Heaven 8 0 3 5 5 17 3 -12
Ariddia 8 0 1 7 1 12 1 -11 |
Such a slide has struck fear into the heart of Druida's supporters, as they fear that thier side will be the next to take a tumble down the table, after Liverpool England's shaky start and now the Vikings' slump. But the longer the good run contin...
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LGP: "I did mean the front pages, you know, Bill."
BP: "Uh? Oh. Of course."
| QUOTE (the Daily Druid) |
The Daily Druid
ELECTRIC BILL
Posters nailed on for election victory, says Trevor Connolly.
OK, so I know we've been here before. But that was before he'd sorted the corruption out. Now, it seems, there is nothing that can stop Bill Posters becoming only Druida's eighth ever President.
Bill Posters was pretty damn popular before. Now the guy is a hero of the people! Of course, we're not expecting him to Make Druida Sober again. That might just be pushing it a bit. But even the most paralytic of Druidans recognise that that isn't what Posters is about. He's just a man who loves his country, and wants to do the best he can for it.
Of course, there were some people out there thinking that Posters could be done out of victory for a second time. No chance. His supporters, like the man himself, don't know what complacency is. Plus Druida's win over Ariddia last night will also have people in a happier mood, making them more likely to show their support for their football-turned-political hero. |
BP: "It brings a tear to my eye, Liam. It really does."
LGP: "Shall we?"
BP: "Why not?"
*We see Liam and Bill wander off into... wait, is that a pub? They're not taking up drinking to celebrate their win are they? How hypocritical can they... Oh no. It's OK. Didn't see the sign in the window that said "polling station." Guess we'll let them off with that one, then.*
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Originally posted: Nov 10 2005, 9:41 pm
The Daily Druid
POSTERS, RAINBOWS WIN
By Eric Tree
OK, I'm a sports writer, not a political one, but over the few years that I've worked with Bill Posters, I feel I've got to know him well. I just want to tell you all how much of a great president he'll be. However, I'm sure you'll have read that in the rest of this publication.
These are the sports pages, so sport we shall give you!
(OOC: But then, the sport isn't really to important for this thread, so we'll leave it at that!)
This post has been edited by Druida on Nov 16 2005, 10:11 AM |
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Druida |
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Posts: 130 |
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