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<"Have you been injured by the a Starblaydi Police action? Perhaps you tripped over a paving stone, or fell over at work. If you've been injured in the last three years, you could make a claim! Compensation for you is just a phone-call away. Call our dedicated team of Legalite-trained team of officials who have recently moved to the great natiopn of Starblaydia from Gavelton, Legalese. Remember: if the glove don't fit, they're full of -explicitive removed- - where there's a blame there's a claim, and the sun'll come out tomorr-">
Quaestor Fursifio muted the television advert and sighed.
"What the hell is going on with all these lawyers?" He asked his team, "I've seen more court-actions in the last year than in the previous twenty."
"It's all those Legalites coming in from the south, sir," his assistant said, "they got sick of sueing each other so decided to come up here and help Starblaydis sue themselves."
"How can we stop them all wanting to be big-shot lawyers in Starblaydia?" Fursifio asked out loud, to no-one in particular. "We can't change their culture, can we?"
"We, uh, can do that, sir," the assistant said.
"How?"
"When was the last time you saw Moussaka served in any restaurant in the land?"
The Quaestor thought for a moment. That little Nemyan dish had pretty much disappeared over the years since the Holy Empire of Nemya had been included into the Protectorate of Starblaydia's borders. Apart from the obviously-Nemyan fore- and surnames in the world, their culture had essentially been enveloped by Starblaydia's more 'aggressive' cultural self-promotion.
"I think I have a cunning plan," the Quaestor said.
[OOC: Basically I want to expand Starblaydia's borders south somewhat to encompass as much of what used to be Legalese (land #20) as possible - or as much as I can get, really. Perhaps a bit of caretaking of his territory to keep it smelling nice if he decides to come back and have a Legalite revolution or something. More posts to follow] |
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OOC: Man that was so funny! :D. Have fun with the lawyers, Star  |
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'SWA:Target may contain scenes and storylines unsuitable for younger viewers. Please take parental responsibility for the young.'
The logo of the Starblaydi Wrestling Alliance breifly flashes up on screen before fading into darkness. Suddenly a spotlight shines down, illuminating part of what appears to be a wrestling ring. A powerful drum beat kicks in and more spotlights are turned on, bathing the ring in light. Coloured lights are added, the camera swinging around the arena to the sound of heavy guitar chords. Finally the entire arena in completely lit as the tune plays its catchy chorus for a second time.
A non-descript wrestle, grayed out and blurred, steps into the ring, swinging his leg inbetween the middle and top ropes. The camera pans up and around the ring as a 'perfect' opponent is generated from templates of wrestlers of all shapes and sizes. Like a computer game selecting a character, options are shown but as quick as a flashthe character is changed. The cruiserweight, the Monster-sized, the woman, the average-sized man, the fat guy, the slim high-flyer, the dwarf. Long hair, short hair, no hair, the selection is almost too quick to follow until the 'perfect' opponent is selected, matching the non-descript opponent in size and shape. We zoom into his eyes as the music rises to a creschendo. His pupils glow red and with a sudden rush we are propelled into his eye. With a flash of light a crosshair appears on the screen with the word 'Target' displayed, followed by a blinking square.
'We welcome you, live, to Tuesday Night Target!'
The camera flies across a packed arena. Thousands of fans stand up and cheer, waving their signs and banners, as a pyrotechnic and laser display kicks off proceedings.
'Good evening everyone, I'm Bob Santiago and beside me, as ever, is Marco Haze and we are your commentary team, here on Target. Tonight we have... hold up, what's this?'
Standing at the wrestler's entrance to the arena as Djinn, the newly-crowned Champion. He wears the gold of the Starblaydi Championship Belt over his shoulder, as the belt would surely spoil the excellently-tailored dark suit he wears, never mind the hugely-expensive red shirt with its open collar. He strides down towards the ring with the jeers of the fans in his ears and his theme tune failing to drown them out.
'Looks ike he's going to say something,' Bob says.
'Good,' Marco replies, 'it's always nice to hear from a champion.'
Mic in hand, the shaven-headed, moustachioed villian of the piece talks to the crowd.
"As you... people may have seen," he growls, "on Sunday Night at 'Purple Haze', I became the new Starblaydi Champion." The boos ring out but they only serve to make The Djinn grin. "I'd like you all to say hello to the man who made it possible."
A patriotic Lamonian anthem begins, immediately illiciting yet more boos and jeers from those who knew what was coming, or those simply quick on their feet. Out from behind the curtain steps the Lamonian, Hanns Schmidt, dutifully waving his blue-and-red Lamonian flag. Inevitably, the 'Star-blade-ya!' chants begin.
"This man," the Djinn continues, "had the idea that helped win me the title. If it wasn't for this man, that punk Havoc would still have his pretty-boy mits on this title. Hanns, you read that match contract in more detail than the rest of us, and you know that outside the ring, Havoc was fair game for anyone who might wish to take him out, which you did so well."
The boos continue as the two wrestlers smile for the cameras. Hanns takes the mic and opens his mouth but he is quickly interrupted by a third musical interlude - the entrance music of another wrestler. Three loud smashes of a Judge's gavel echoing across the arena signal precisely who is going to step out. Schmidt and the Djinn look suitably shocked.
'Here comes the Judge!' Bob yells as the music takes hold, 'What's he doing here?'
'Looks like court is about to be in session, Bob,' Marco replies.
"You two in-ring buffoons are getting on my nerves," Judge Reiner says into a mic of his own, with his distinctive Legalite accent, "partly because neither of you have the Legal skill to read a contract properly."
[OOC: Bugger this, its late so I'm posting it half-finished. will add in more later. You get the idea though] |
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OOC: I just want to see what happens to the Lamonian.  |
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Lamoni |
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Democratic Maniac |
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Posts: 1952 |
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OOC: Right, been away from this for far too long, but before i can think about getting any more territory i'd better make sure the most-recent immigrants are nicely-integrated before any more come in.
The Djinn and the Lamonian show their disgust for the Judge's comment wiht points and shouts, though without using their mics.
'What can he mean, Bob? Marco asks.
'I'm sure we're about to find out.'
"I said," Judge Reiner yelled, "that neither of you can read a legal contract properly. Wayyyyy under the small print. When you've been trained in Law and Bodyslams in the great southern Starblaydi city of Sagdineo..."
Of course, mentioning a place name in an SWA arena will provoke a positive reaction from the people from there, but in this case the positive reaction comes from all the paid and patriotic types who are cheering in an effort to welcome the former Legalite citizens into the nation.
"...when you've been trained in Law and Bodyslams, I'm also able to read the small-small print on these contracts, ones that Lamonians don't bother with."
'What's he talking about, Bob?' Marco asks, much to Bob Santiago's increasing frustration.
'Let the man speak, Marco,' Bob replies. 'he's been trained in this sort of thing. I certainly haven't.'
'Me neither.'
Oh really?' You can feel the comment dripping with sarcasm through the TV.
"What this says, boys," Reiner continues, "is that thanks to the out-side assistance of Hanns Schmidt, The Djinn will have to defend his new title against Havoc in a rematch!"
The crowd, of course, goes wild as the current main face will face off again against the current main heel.
"And it also says," Reiner has one more surprise up his sleeve, "that it'll be in a Rage-In-A-Cage Match!"
This, of course, sends the crowd into absolute delirium. Not only will it give an oppurtunity for the commentary team to use the word 'Steel' a lot, but will also probably involve a lot of blood and afftermath. The main event for Summer Burnout has been fixed, as if it could be any other, and a former Legalite citizen has just helped out a hero to Starblaydi kids all over the country. Neat, eh? |
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